Bitter Root
4-Dec-2010
Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. – Heb 12.14-15
Whenever someone gets offended, a seed is planted. Now, the motives of the offending sower could range from accidental to intentional. Should conviction follow those who realize they have offended someone, of course, they have a responsibility to make it right (Mt 5.23-24). But consider the offended heart in which the seed is sown. Do they have a responsibility?
When someone is offended, they have 2 options. They can dig out the seed & throw it away – this is forgiveness. Forgiving someone who’s just offended you isn’t automatic. It’s not easy. If it were, the Bible wouldn’t have to tell us to do it (Mt 5.38-42). Forgiveness must be sincere, intentional & lasting – just like God’s forgiveness (Jer 31.34, Col 3.12-14, Jas 3.17, 2 Cor 5.19) – More on this later. But there is another option – to let the offense fester.
If the latter option is allowed, the offensive seed is taken into the soil of the heart & fertilized by one’s own pride. Further faults of the offending party are sought out & used to fill up the sprinkling can to water the sour seedling. For a time & when things are not pressing, the quiet kernel lurks below & sprouts an anchor root that drinks up the water & exhausts all useful nutrients from the soul. But when a heated situation warms the fertile soil, the seed shoot sprouts & erupts out of the heart. Cultivated from such bitter un-forgiveness are the thorny & pungent plants of rage, anger, brawling, slander & malice (Eph 4.31). Once the divisive vegetation takes root, their tending & upkeep are tyrannically enslaving, yet seemingly less painful than removing them.
The truth of the matter is that harboring bitterness does more damage to the one who harbors it than to the one that it’s harbored against. It can cause hasty speculation & rash decision making that is not founded on truth, which will certainly lead to problems (Pr 18.13, 19.2). For instance, when you are offended by someone, then that someone does something else, you will find yourself automatically judging that person to have the worst & most negative motives possible. Perhaps you’ll be mad at them for doing or not doing a particular thing, even if such a particular pattern is actually normal for them. Worse, you’ll expect that person to come apologize to you, when conceivably you too have wronged them or maybe they don’t even realize they’ve offended you. It will result with you increasingly despising them. Having a snowball effect, the bitterness will become a ravenous, self-feeding & energy consuming plant. Time doesn’t make bitterness go away, it just increases its potential for growth. It must be dealt with.
The rage, anger, brawling, slander & malice mentioned in Eph 4.31 may seem like obvious indicators of nurturing bitterness. However, we don’t have to yield these corrupt crops in order to be guilty of sin. God surveys the soil of our hearts & compares it against His perfect purity (1 Sam 16.7, Mt 5.48, 1 Cor 4.5, Heb 4.13). The Bible clarifies that being angry towards someone to the point of hating them or merely despising them is as bad as murder because the same heart motive is behind it (Mt 5.22, 1 Jn 3.15).
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. – Jas 1.19-21
To Forgive or Not to Forgive?
The only way to truly get rid of bitterness is to forgive the offender. Easier said than done, right? Yes, but it’s the more honorable, holy & obedient choice. Even when we have been unjustly mistreated, we are to “turn the other cheek”, forgive & leave the God of justice to deal with the offender (Mt 5.38-42, Rom 12.17-21).
Furthermore, there are 2 common misconceptions about forgiveness. One is that we tell ourselves that it can wait, but what we really mean is that we want to ignore it till it stops bothering us. We believe the lie that “time heals all wounds”. As we have already discussed, the problem is that the bitter root still grows beneath the surface, even when it’s not on our mind. Or, perhaps, we think that it will somehow be easier to deal with later, but “later” gets interrupted with uncomfortable thoughts of bringing the painful situation back up & it subtly hides from our conscience – until the bitter root becomes a seductive sprout.
Of course, there’s the situation where we say that we forgive someone, but we haven’t really given it to God – it’s been forgiven by the lips, but not from the heart. This is like snapping the weed off at the surface, only to find it sprouting again days later because the root wasn’t extracted. This second sprout commonly flowers in slander, but is not limited to this case. Slander is malicious talk meant to damage another person & can be spoken to others or even just to yourself (Mt 15.19). Regardless of the bitter scenario, slander is forbidden (Jas 4.11, 1 Pt 2.1). Keep in mind that slanderous activity is something practiced by the devil himself (Job 1.9-11, Rev 12.9-10).
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. – Eph 4.22-27
The other common misconception is that you have to wait on the offender to ask for forgiveness. There can be an element of pride behind this – wanting the other person to cave in first & feel really bad about upsetting you. It more or less elevates your own self above the other party. This carries the notion that you somehow always deserve to be treated fairly as if it’s your “right”. The truth is that you can choose to forgive someone before they even ask – in fact, they may never ask. But realize that just because you have forgiven someone, doesn’t mean you don’t have to further deal with the issue if necessary, such as if it is interfering with your relationship.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! – Php 2.3-8
Whenever someone gets offended, a seed is planted. Now, the motives of the offending sower could range from accidental to intentional. Should conviction follow those who realize they have offended someone, of course, they have a responsibility to make it right (Mt 5.23-24). But consider the offended heart in which the seed is sown. Do they have a responsibility?
When someone is offended, they have 2 options. They can dig out the seed & throw it away – this is forgiveness. Forgiving someone who’s just offended you isn’t automatic. It’s not easy. If it were, the Bible wouldn’t have to tell us to do it (Mt 5.38-42). Forgiveness must be sincere, intentional & lasting – just like God’s forgiveness (Jer 31.34, Col 3.12-14, Jas 3.17, 2 Cor 5.19) – More on this later. But there is another option – to let the offense fester.
If the latter option is allowed, the offensive seed is taken into the soil of the heart & fertilized by one’s own pride. Further faults of the offending party are sought out & used to fill up the sprinkling can to water the sour seedling. For a time & when things are not pressing, the quiet kernel lurks below & sprouts an anchor root that drinks up the water & exhausts all useful nutrients from the soul. But when a heated situation warms the fertile soil, the seed shoot sprouts & erupts out of the heart. Cultivated from such bitter un-forgiveness are the thorny & pungent plants of rage, anger, brawling, slander & malice (Eph 4.31). Once the divisive vegetation takes root, their tending & upkeep are tyrannically enslaving, yet seemingly less painful than removing them.
The truth of the matter is that harboring bitterness does more damage to the one who harbors it than to the one that it’s harbored against. It can cause hasty speculation & rash decision making that is not founded on truth, which will certainly lead to problems (Pr 18.13, 19.2). For instance, when you are offended by someone, then that someone does something else, you will find yourself automatically judging that person to have the worst & most negative motives possible. Perhaps you’ll be mad at them for doing or not doing a particular thing, even if such a particular pattern is actually normal for them. Worse, you’ll expect that person to come apologize to you, when conceivably you too have wronged them or maybe they don’t even realize they’ve offended you. It will result with you increasingly despising them. Having a snowball effect, the bitterness will become a ravenous, self-feeding & energy consuming plant. Time doesn’t make bitterness go away, it just increases its potential for growth. It must be dealt with.
The rage, anger, brawling, slander & malice mentioned in Eph 4.31 may seem like obvious indicators of nurturing bitterness. However, we don’t have to yield these corrupt crops in order to be guilty of sin. God surveys the soil of our hearts & compares it against His perfect purity (1 Sam 16.7, Mt 5.48, 1 Cor 4.5, Heb 4.13). The Bible clarifies that being angry towards someone to the point of hating them or merely despising them is as bad as murder because the same heart motive is behind it (Mt 5.22, 1 Jn 3.15).
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. – Jas 1.19-21
To Forgive or Not to Forgive?
The only way to truly get rid of bitterness is to forgive the offender. Easier said than done, right? Yes, but it’s the more honorable, holy & obedient choice. Even when we have been unjustly mistreated, we are to “turn the other cheek”, forgive & leave the God of justice to deal with the offender (Mt 5.38-42, Rom 12.17-21).
Furthermore, there are 2 common misconceptions about forgiveness. One is that we tell ourselves that it can wait, but what we really mean is that we want to ignore it till it stops bothering us. We believe the lie that “time heals all wounds”. As we have already discussed, the problem is that the bitter root still grows beneath the surface, even when it’s not on our mind. Or, perhaps, we think that it will somehow be easier to deal with later, but “later” gets interrupted with uncomfortable thoughts of bringing the painful situation back up & it subtly hides from our conscience – until the bitter root becomes a seductive sprout.
Of course, there’s the situation where we say that we forgive someone, but we haven’t really given it to God – it’s been forgiven by the lips, but not from the heart. This is like snapping the weed off at the surface, only to find it sprouting again days later because the root wasn’t extracted. This second sprout commonly flowers in slander, but is not limited to this case. Slander is malicious talk meant to damage another person & can be spoken to others or even just to yourself (Mt 15.19). Regardless of the bitter scenario, slander is forbidden (Jas 4.11, 1 Pt 2.1). Keep in mind that slanderous activity is something practiced by the devil himself (Job 1.9-11, Rev 12.9-10).
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. – Eph 4.22-27
The other common misconception is that you have to wait on the offender to ask for forgiveness. There can be an element of pride behind this – wanting the other person to cave in first & feel really bad about upsetting you. It more or less elevates your own self above the other party. This carries the notion that you somehow always deserve to be treated fairly as if it’s your “right”. The truth is that you can choose to forgive someone before they even ask – in fact, they may never ask. But realize that just because you have forgiven someone, doesn’t mean you don’t have to further deal with the issue if necessary, such as if it is interfering with your relationship.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! – Php 2.3-8
As is always beneficial, let’s consider God as our example as in the Philippians passage above. We were His enemies. We offended Him. He is always right & is always worthy of being treated right. He did nothing to offend us. Yet, He was the first to reach out to us & offer reconciliation (Rom 5.8, 2 Cor 5.18-19, Col 1.21-22 – see related page on reconciliation). None of us seek Him first (Rom 3.10-18, Isa 59.1-20). Furthermore, God doesn’t want us to compare ourselves to one another (2 Cor 10.12). Instead, we should compare ourselves to Him (Mk 10.18), realizing that all of us deserve nothing from Him except His just wrath against our sin. Jesus explained this in His parable known as “The Unforgiving Debtor” seen at the right.
Additionally, after giving His famous example prayer known as ‘Our Father’ during the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Mt 6.14-15). Some mistakenly think this means you can lose your salvation, but that is not the context – It says you won’t be forgiven, not, “you won’t be justified”. While a Christian’s sins may be eternally forgiven (justified), they can carry around un-confessed sin that interferes with their communion (fellowship, prayers, etc.) with God. This is because sin necessarily displaces God from our lives – even when we’re saved (Isa 59.1-2, 1 Pt 3.7), and also invites His loving discipline (Heb 12.5-11). What this passage means is that our failure to forgive, not only misunderstands the eternal forgiveness we as Christians have already received, but puts us in a perpetual state of sin as long as we host bitter un-forgiveness. |
Unforgiving Debtor - Mt 18.21-35
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” |
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. - Col 3.13
Therefore, if you find yourself being bitter, it is essential to focus on facts & truth while recognizing speculation & avoiding hasty actions. Acknowledge your sin, confess it to God & ask for His help which He will freely give to all who have trusted in Christ for eternal forgiveness (1 Jn 1.8-9 – see related article: Spiritual Sinkhole). Forgive someone as often as they offend you (Mt 18.21-22). Rip out the bitter roots of your “old self” & plant the flowers of truth that will produce the “new self” that God desires (Col 3.8-10, 12-14, Jas 1.21, Tit 3.1-8).
I don’t know exactly what physical plant the writer of Hebrews had in mind in the opening passage, but there are several that are certainly fitting.
Therefore, if you find yourself being bitter, it is essential to focus on facts & truth while recognizing speculation & avoiding hasty actions. Acknowledge your sin, confess it to God & ask for His help which He will freely give to all who have trusted in Christ for eternal forgiveness (1 Jn 1.8-9 – see related article: Spiritual Sinkhole). Forgive someone as often as they offend you (Mt 18.21-22). Rip out the bitter roots of your “old self” & plant the flowers of truth that will produce the “new self” that God desires (Col 3.8-10, 12-14, Jas 1.21, Tit 3.1-8).
I don’t know exactly what physical plant the writer of Hebrews had in mind in the opening passage, but there are several that are certainly fitting.
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Tree Root Damage
A tree growing too close to a sidewalk or building can have roots that grow to cause various problems. Some are subtle & can take time to diagnose, such as with infiltrated pipes. Others are obvious as in the case of the sidewalk. Both are costly & damaging to the owner & to others. Harboring a bitter root will make your own path rough & cause you to stumble.
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. – Jas 3.5-10 |
WormwoodThis is a plant that grows in the Middle East & possibly one of the bitter plants referred to in the Bible (Lam 3.15, Mt 27.34) used to make gall, an intoxicating drink. Surely, when bitterness springs up, it invokes an intoxicating anger that overpowers sanity & self-control. When one gets angry, it can easily give way to foolishness (Pr 29.11, Eccl 7.9). And foolishness gives way to a dangerously uncontrolled tongue (Please hover your mouse over each of these – Pr 10.19, 12.18, 29.20).
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An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.
– Pr 18.19
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.
– Pr 19.2
A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
– Pr 19.11
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
– Eph 4.25-27
– Pr 18.19
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.
– Pr 19.2
A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
– Pr 19.11
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
– Eph 4.25-27